How to amuse yourself at Wal-Mart

[Zuka Zamamee]

No idea where 11-20 went, but its still a good read.

WAYS TO AMUSE YOURSELF AT WALMART
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals
throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens
21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any credit cards you can borrow.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,
"I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"upside down.
29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and say, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover."
31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any
in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)
32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.
33. Take bets on the battle from above.
34. Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkie Department?"
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: Marco Polo.
43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet
section, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's.
45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look withvarious funnels.
46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to your knees and scream, "No, no, its those voices again."
49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

BONUS
1. Attempt to do all of the above in the same visit, without
getting kicked out.
2. Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much you can make

[zipcat]

Hahaha. I loved 29 and 48.

[BlueRose1197]

I've done number 1 a couple of times We would make sure to have at least one item from every section of the store. Of course this was before the store went super, other wise it would have been even better.

And #31 making up items, lol...I used to work at a Dillon's, its a grocery store chain owned by Kroger for those of you who know who they are. Anyways, there were some guys who worked there that would pick on the new carry outs by asking them to go get items like buckets of steam and paper streatchers. They finally had to stop when they made a girl cry. They had sent her to the salad dressing asle and told her to shake all the oil dressings to that they looked better and people would buy them. She was doing it for a good 20 minutes before someone else went and told her that it was a joke. She was so upset she ran to the employee lounge crying.

[Sporon]

Well I would try and amuse myself at Walmart ... If my town had one ... All We got is Kmart and Alco .... My messed up desert town wont allow Walmart to build cuz two of the city board members own the only two pharmacy's within 100 miles ... yeah so they wont let them build here *Cries* But I will remember those next time I go on a vacation lol.

[jadewik]

I try to avoid Walmart. Most people who shop there are scary....

[Warscott]

I went into walmart with a bunch of teens once when i was in my early 20s. Their fun was to take shopping carts and run them into the support poles at high speeds or to ram other peoples carts while they were pushing them "Oh........ Excuse me".

You forgot that part.

[Tarathilien]

Hey, Zuka, just FYI: Bonus #2 Never ever works. Trust me.

[Zuka Zamamee]

I made $4.17 because I had one of my friends in a chokelock and the barrel of the plastic gun to his head. After I got the money, I thanked him and let him go, just to have him try to pounce me before I threw him on the ground and sat on him.

He forgave me...a week later.

>.>

[bow4lyf]

“Accidentally” get stuck in one of the frozen food doors. Give people strange looks and see if anyone helps you out.

Add really funny things to other peoples’ carts and watch them pay for it and see if they notice.

Add extra small sized condoms to people's shopping carts when they don't notice.

Constantly wink at a person you don’t know. Follow them around and blow kisses to them.

Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

Dress as a Jedi and randomly tell other shoppers in you’re best Yoda voice,”May the force be with you”.

Find a parent with her kid in the shopping cart. Point at the kid and ask the parent, “What aisle are they selling these on?”

Get a dish towel and bucket and sit on the floor singing “It’s a hard knock life for us!”

Go into the dressing room and yell real loud… “Hey, we’re out of toilet paper in here!”

Go up to someone and start taking items from their basket and put them into yours.

Go up to the clerk and say code Red! and see what they do!

Have a couple of friends go with you and dress up as power rangers.

Battle an invisible enemy and tell shoppers to stand back.

Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like “Pick me! Pick me!!”

Hide in the toy section, when someone comes close jump out at them throw a fake pokeball and yell “Pikachu I choose you!”

Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

Make a trail of orange juice on the floor, leading to the rest rooms.

Run up to a complete stranger, tag them and say “You’re it!”

Switch the men’s and women’s signs on the doors of the restroom.

Take a snickers bar, go in the bathroom and smoosh the snickers bar in your hand and reach over to the next stall and say “uh do you have some toilet paper over there?”

Walk up to the automatic doors and walk back and forth through them and each time u go though look up at the sensor and yell “how does it work or ITS MAGIC!”

When someone says something on the intercom yell back at it saying
OH YEAH YOU WISH THAT I’D COME TO REGISTER 17!!! HUH? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO ABOUT IT??? I AM NOT COMING!!!! OHHHHHHH!!!! BURN!!!!!

When someone steps away from their cart to look at something quickly make off with it without saying a word.

While playing a video game in the Electronics, skip side-by-side, wiggle your butt, and hum to the music.

While walking alone pretend you are having a serious conversation with someone.

[Tarathilien]

Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like “Pick me! Pick me!!”

My fav - Mom used to let me do that while she shopped (so I'd be out've her hair, of course). Gawd, I was so spoiled....momma's boy, unfortunately. Now, whipped husband. Creme broulei anyone?