The Handy Jack Thread

[jadewik]

Does anyone remember those "Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handy they used to have on Saturday Night Live?

Lately, I've been taking things my friends have as away messages and turning them into "Handy Jack" quotes (since I'm not Jack Handy). So... I decided it might be fun to write Handy Jack quotes. They're actually pretty amazingly simple to concoct... and I'll give you my formulae below.

The "Handy Jack Recipie"
Ingredients:
1 Statement of fact or saying
1 Well Developed Imatination
A dash of linguistic skills
... and a wild statement

Begin with a simple statement of fact or a familiar saying.
For example: "If I had a dollar for every time I did (something)"

Take that statement and change it a little.
Eg- "If I had a dollar for every time I had a dollar"

Now, obviously, the statement still sounds reasonable... so you come to a reasonable conclusion.

With my statement, I've just created an infinite loop.... dollars breeding dollars. Obviously, the natural conclusion is that it's not money at all, but something alive... and what alive thing reproduces in this way? Bunnies!

My statement has now become:
If I had a dollar for every time I had a dollar... I wouldn't have lots of money. I'd have lots of bunnies.

In this particular case, my imagination went a little wild and added a bit to the end:

If I had a dollar for every time I had a dollar... I wouldn't have lots of money. I'd have lots of bunnies. Does this mean I'd have bunny money? And if so, is it Easter already?

.... Now you give it a try!

[Ominous]

http://www.deepthoughtsbyjackhandey.com/

[jadewik]

The object is to TRY TO MAKE YOUR OWN. =P

[Ominous]

I'm REALLY lazy.

[jadewik]

Bah! =P

[Ominous]

Okay, as penance for derailing this thread:

Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% grunt work. By grunt work, I mean you have other people do it for you. I often find other people don't work fast enough, so I'm forced to outsource some of their work to other more intelligent species, like dolphins and bonobos.